Growing up, I was taught (more passively than actively) that self-deprecation was the opposite of narcissism; to avoid being a narcissist, I had to put myself down and think of myself as insignificant. I had to see my abilities and place in the world as small and unimportant. And I had to play down or... Continue Reading →
I've discovered over time that I'm a magnet for narcissistic personalities. This is not to say that all people who with whom I connect are toxic. But I've learned the hard way that I have to be vigilant. Although I could get into stories about the types of personalities I've "bonded" with in the past,... Continue Reading →
Only recently have I been learning more intentionally about self-care, and more clearly acknowledging its importance for me and others. When our wells are dry, we have nothing left to give anyone. Self-care is one of the kindest things we can do for our community, as well as ourselves. The concept of showing kindness to... Continue Reading →
I constantly wrestle with self-hatred and shame. The source of most of this is others' words, opinions, teachings, and assessments of me, compounded by my own critical inner voice. As an adult, I still particularly crave my parents' approval. It's painful when they disapprove of something I'm doing (or not doing), or when I know... Continue Reading →
When Christians express concern about those who have pulled away from organized religion - concern that we're not "being fed" - it seems what they're often really saying (from a subconscious level of thought) is "We just want to be sure you're getting indoctrinated...that you're vetted...that you still fit into a box we can understand.... Continue Reading →
Trigger and adult audience warning: This article discusses corporal punishment, unwanted sexual thoughts and experiences, trauma, and self-harm. In my childhood years, my parents were firm believers in using a thick, heavy wooden paddle (or a series of strong hand smacks from Dad) to keep their children in line. I have forgiven my parents. They... Continue Reading →
In the past two weeks, we've seen several groups of people catch the eye of the news: peaceful protesters, rioters with questionable and likely varying motives, and opportunistic looters. Unfortunately, these groups have frequently been conflated, perhaps particularly by some who are uncomfortable with the Black Lives Matter or George Floyd protests. There are, no... Continue Reading →
Is it okay for Christians to be romantically involved with those "outside the faith?" Frequently, Paul's words in his second letter to the Corinthians are quoted as a reason that Christians should not marry those outside the Christian faith: Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light... Continue Reading →
My desire is not to make Former Captive a heavily political blog. However, a few thoughts were pressing on me today. As one raised in conservative evangelical culture (who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012), and is presently more of a semi-political, centrist libertarian, I feel I have a place to speak to this. The... Continue Reading →
I'm exhausted, and have virtually no energy remaining to spend on people. It's hard knowing that not everyone always understands. But it can't be my problem that they take it personally. I'm human; I have limitations. People expect me to not be so messy because I'm a Christian. Believe me, I've tried and tried and... Continue Reading →
