It's not an easy or quick decision for most of us. It's a decision that, if made prematurely, can land us in more sticky situations. If we cut off contact with family and then a situation arises which requires us to communicate with them again (such as coordination on tax dependent filing status), we then... Continue Reading →
Growing up, I was taught (more passively than actively) that self-deprecation was the opposite of narcissism; to avoid being a narcissist, I had to put myself down and think of myself as insignificant. I had to see my abilities and place in the world as small and unimportant. And I had to play down or... Continue Reading →
Only recently have I been learning more intentionally about self-care, and more clearly acknowledging its importance for me and others. When our wells are dry, we have nothing left to give anyone. Self-care is one of the kindest things we can do for our community, as well as ourselves. The concept of showing kindness to... Continue Reading →
I constantly wrestle with self-hatred and shame. The source of most of this is others' words, opinions, teachings, and assessments of me, compounded by my own critical inner voice. As an adult, I still particularly crave my parents' approval. It's painful when they disapprove of something I'm doing (or not doing), or when I know... Continue Reading →
Trigger and adult audience warning: This article discusses corporal punishment, unwanted sexual thoughts and experiences, trauma, and self-harm. In my childhood years, my parents were firm believers in using a thick, heavy wooden paddle (or a series of strong hand smacks from Dad) to keep their children in line. I have forgiven my parents. They... Continue Reading →
Is it okay for Christians to be romantically involved with those "outside the faith?" Frequently, Paul's words in his second letter to the Corinthians are quoted as a reason that Christians should not marry those outside the Christian faith: Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light... Continue Reading →
My desire is not to make Former Captive a heavily political blog. However, a few thoughts were pressing on me today. As one raised in conservative evangelical culture (who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012), and is presently more of a semi-political, centrist libertarian, I feel I have a place to speak to this. The... Continue Reading →
I'm exhausted, and have virtually no energy remaining to spend on people. It's hard knowing that not everyone always understands. But it can't be my problem that they take it personally. I'm human; I have limitations. People expect me to not be so messy because I'm a Christian. Believe me, I've tried and tried and... Continue Reading →
If you want to know whether a "biblical" teaching or belief/practice is really of God - the Spirit of Love - then look to the fruit of that teaching. What is the fruit of Christians' biblical (and supposedly sacred) teaching that women should do whatever their husbands say? Christian marriages becoming breeding grounds for abuse,... Continue Reading →
Research suggests that "spiritual struggle" - including "Punishing God Reappraisal," "Reappraisal of God's Powers," and "Spiritual Discontent" - may be a mediating factor between trauma and PTSD symptoms. Social-cognitive theorists postulate that PTSD symptoms result from trauma that shatters one’s basic assumptions about the invulnerability of the self and the safety of the world (Janoff-Bulman,... Continue Reading →
